Most Americans have no idea he’s actually a Brit

Critics and directors frequently lament that there are few, if any, truly great new American actors. And with people like Christian Bale not only tricking a good percentage of the US population into thinking he was born there, but doing it really damn well, it’s not hard to see why.

Bale was born in Wales, and he most assuredly has a British accent. Yet for what seems to be the majority of his films (Equilibrium, American Psycho, Shaft, Harsh Times, etc), Bale has a damn-near-perfect American accent. Hell, even during his press interviews for Batman Begins, Bale intentionally retained his American accent; partially to keep the film from seeming “too English” (considering Bale, director Chris Nolan, Gary Oldman, and literally all of the villains hail from Europe), partially so as to not break the illusion that Bruce Wayne is an all-American character, and partially just because he’s a total badass.

I watched Reign of Fire with my girlfriend one time, and afterwards she turned to me and said,

“Wow…Christian Bale doesn’t really do a British accent that well, does he?”

I immediately dumped her, of course, but it has to be said: when an actor manages to trick a significant portion of his fanbase into thinking that his natural accent is not really his natural accent, then he has truly accomplished something.

His wife is insanely hot

Speaking of girlfriends, Christian Bale's wife, Sibi Blazic, is hotter than most of the women the average person will meet in his or her life. Her name can also be mispronounced as "Blaze-ick." Which is awesome. 

He’s insanely committed to looking the part

It’s all a matter of public record now, but Christian Bale lost sixty fucking pounds to play the part of Trevor Reznik in The Machinist. Considering Bale’s last film was Equilibrium, a high-powered action shootemup, the man went from this

To this

In less than a year.

To put that into perspective, I’m willing to bet that roughly 96% of the people who read this would not be able to gain or lose sixty pounds in a year if they and their families were threatened at gunpoint.

He was fucking Batman

And he was the only actor to play him the way he should have been played. Clooney admits he accidentally played the character as gay, Val Kilmer played Bruce Wayne exactly the same as the Batman, and Michael Keaton somehow sucked all the charisma out of Bruce Wayne.

Bale effectively handled the charm and affluence of Bruce Wayne whilst simultaneously turning Batman into a completely separate character who, for the most part, scares the shit out of the audience just as much as he does the baddies. Granted, sometimes his animalistic grunts border on cartoony, but no one can deny the sheer ass-tightening badassity of his reply to a thug who spills his guts and swears to God: “Swear to ME!”

Bale’s Batman is a good guy, but not so good that you’d want to spend more time around him than absolutely necessary. He’s everything that Batman should be: heroic, yet terrifying.

And Bateman

Let’s not forget one of Bale’s best performances ever; that of Patrick Bateman in American Psycho. As the story goes, dozens of young actors auditioned for the role of Bateman, but all tried to play him up as a psychopathic womanizer – in other words, they all tried to give him actual character. After many underwhelming auditions by other performers, Bale played the character exactly has was written: with a complete lack of personality.

Everything Bateman says has been stolen from some other source: he reads music magazines so he knows about Huey Lewis (“The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost”), he listens to newsradio so he can pretend to be up on world events (“Well, we have to end apartheid for one. And slow down the nuclear arms race, stop terrorism and world hunger”), and even when his true, homicidal nature reveals itself (“I like to dissect girls. Did you know I'm utterly insane?”), he still talks like a game show host.

Evidently, Bale was the only actor to actually read the line,” I simply am not there” in one of Bateman’s first monologues: again, despite the fact that he was born in Wales, he somehow managed to pin down a truly and depressingly American character when other, native actors couldn’t. It's almost irritating.

This clip from Equilibrium

If you tell me you didn't just get a boner (or the female equivalent of one), you are lying.

Versatility

Bale is one of the few actors in the world who can effortlessly glide from shallow, pop entertainment, to quasi-arthouse fare, to everything in between – often adding a lot more class and dignity to roles and films than they really have any right to. Throughout the course of his career, Bale has played

- A douchebag Brit kid

-A singing, assumedly homosexual newsboy

-JESUS

-A few Shakespeare characters

-A murderous yuppie

-A dragon hunter

-An ex-marine

-JESUS

-John Rolfe

-A gruff, cockney magician

-Batman

-A benevolent Japanese warlock

and

- JESUS.

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