Source: CC2K

For many who grew up in the 1980's, the video game Castlevania was a staple for the Nintendo Entertainment System. Many of us remember the classic storyline Simon Belmont, of the Belmont family of vampire hunters, who the lone defenders against the vampire Dracula, who would rise every hundred years, with various creatures of the undead and demonic, to wreak havoc on the poor countryfolk.

Most of the time video games need some sort of adaptation to reach the big screen and maintain some form of realism so that the storyline is believable in the real world. Castlevania is not really one of those games. The story is simple enough, yet still compelling that it would do quite well as a movie. Yet, for reasons unknown, Paul W. S. Anderson has taken it upon himself to completely rewrite the Castlevania mythos.

Essentially, instead of telling the aforementioned tale of Belmonts protecting the people from Dracula's rise, we're told a story that is taken virtually verbatim from the pages of Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula. The story begins with World War II, and some German soldiers taking refuge within the walls of the castle, only to be offed by "unseen" forces, followed by a flashback to the 1500's, where we learn that the two last survivors of the family Belmont, Christopher and Simon, are knights sworn to avenge the deaths of their parents by Turk invaders. Their caravan ends up being attacked by ravenous wolves, led by Dracula in wolf form, and of course, Christopher gets bitten.

Eventually the survivors of the attack end up at the castle and are invited to stay by, you guessed it, Dracul'a (don't ask why the apostrophe, but apparently that's what they're doing), who claims to be none other than the decendant of Vlad the Impaler, who renounced God after offing the Turk invaders and became a vampire. His wife was murdered by the King of Romania, and so Vlad became a vampire thinking he could wait long enough for her to return...so of course, one of the survivors of the caravan attack happens to bear a striking resemblence to ol' Drac's wife. It's really amazing how much this script appears to "borrow" from Coppola's Dracula.

Worse still, everything that made Castlevania what it was is gone. Simon has no idea who Dracula...er, Dracul'a is, and during their climactic battle both Drac and Simon die, and the supposed wife reincarnate survives a bite, developing vampiric powers, and now waits for Simon to return in modern day New York.

But the most horrible part? The morningstar whip that was a staple of the series? GONE. They've got Simon using a SWORD. If that's not the lamest thing ever, I don't know what is. Simon Belmont uses a WHIP. Period. That's part of what made the game different, and should be an integral part of the movie. Do I sound like a fanboy right now? YES. I don't care. Anyone who played the game knows this, and who are the people who would see the movie? Fans of the game!!